I am going through similar. I quit my teaching career to raise our two kids solo in an effort to keep them far away from my husband's bipolar antics. I took care of him through 3 back surgeries, short term memory loss, RX substance abuse, suicide attempts, and manic episodes - our family secrets. It took a toll on me and over decades of marriage, the relationship got more and more dysfunctional. I got sick with thyroid disease, he responded by spending years isolating and stonewalling, consentially I couldn't work out relationship issues with him, I found myself mentioning the D(ivorce) word just to get him to know I meant business, he just remained cold, distant and uncaring, wouldn't work anything out, didnt want couseling, he really just waited until the time was right. kids leaving for college and my my mom needing elder care from me, then repeatedly asserted and showed he no longer loved me and wants a divorce. How does someone just stop loving? I was/am still cruhed! He actully did it in a very heartless way but I'll spare you the details. He is unwilling to work things out and has told everyone Its my fault (I have to admit I was losing patience and becoming reactive as you do when your dealing with your partners crazy bipolar mood swings) but quite honestly it is sooooo difficult being in a relationship with someone who is mentally unstable and self centered - I kinda think it might be a good thing. I gave up my career so I am worried about money, I am older, I don't have a strong support system but I'll be damned if I let him be my downfall. We can only do what we can do and try to remember that when one door closes a window is wide open. Please look up things on grief and don't feel alone my friend we are going through it together. (ps: It's essential to focus on the health and well being of your kids through these difficult times)