I enjoy the chaos. The sneaking around. The wondering "will this b/p sesh be the one that kills me?" the "will my next fall be my last?"
I like seeing the numbers go down down down.
I like the explosion when the numbers go up. The sudden motivation.
I like the illusion of control this gives me.
I like the illusion of a friend the ED voice gives me. It reminds me of an abusive relationship and don't we all know how much I love those, and this way, no one gets to tell me how I need to file a restraining order!!!
I like how when I'm hungry, I feel better than everyone else. How I say "they're weak willed, giving into their needs. Look at them, eating ****ing bacon because they WANT to. I don't have those silly WANTS because I am STRONGER. I am BETTER."