Part of me wonders if I do actually have bipolar like I’m diagnosed as having. Technically my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. But in addition to the history of BPD. I don’t technically meet the requirements for BPD (borderline) anymore. I’ve improved so much in that aspect that I my doctor didn’t think I needed to be diagnosed with it. Idk about the schizoaffective part though because I haven’t had delusions and severe paranoia in a long time. I used to be extremely paranoid and delusional at points. I’m still really impulsive though and have mood swings. And the sleep issues. I have hyper sexual phases. I spend a lot of money sometimes when I’m impulsive. I honestly don’t know what to make of it. I feel euphoric sometimes.

I’m doing good in my relationship, we’ve been together 8 months. And it’s been a really healthy relationship. I think the BPD aspect of myself honestly got better as I got older, I heard that it can kind of calm down as a person gets older . I’m 29 now. I am far from the person I was around the ages 12 to 25. It could also be part of the fact that the brain doesn’t develop fully till around 25. But I had an extremely chaotic and traumatic upbringing plus a family history of mental illness.

But I still have all the other issues. My meds help a lot, and when I go off them I don’t do well. Sleep is the first thing to go when I stop or lower my meds. The more I don’t sleep the more impulsive I get.