I have no hope left in my life and it's entirely my fault.

I gave up a life that I loved, and even though I've come to understand all of the twisted psychological reasons why I did it, I cannot live with it. I absolutely hate myself for it. I am completely and utterly disgusted by my own actions. It eats at me every waking moment. I cannot understand how I could have voluntarily destroyed a life that I wanted and had worked so hard for, no matter what unhealthy factors were at play.

This has stolen all the faith I had in life, in the universe, in God and in myself. I don't know how to go on living this way. I know it's unhealthy, but the only thing that gives me comfort is the thought of dying. Nothing I try works, I think I'm making progress and then end up right back at square one. What am I supposed to do with this? How do I accept that the only reason I don't have everything I ever wanted is one terrible self-destructive choice?