Thanksgiving went well. It was just me, my boys and my mother. Very low key. All the food came out good, even my first attempt at making gravy. It was a nice evening.

On Friday, I made a big step. I purchased myself a new car. Like, a brand new 2024 car. I’ve never had a brand new car and I never thought I’d be in the position to get one. The only reason I went with a new car vs pre owned is used car prices are so high right now that it was only like $2000 more for a new car so it made more sense. I was only able to do this because I searched unclaimed property months ago and found money under my first husband’s name. I put a claim in and forgot about it. Then last week I got a check in the mail for nearly $4k from an overpayment on one of my first husband’s medical bills. I figured that’s a good down payment on a car, and my current car was hovering at 147k miles. So, yes, I got a new one and it’s so fancy I’ll have to get used to it. I mean it’s not a fancy brand car but new cars have so much tech in them I’m not used to it and I’m just trying to figure it all out.

My brother canceled on getting together again. I wasn’t holding my breath, he hardly ever actually follows through with plans. It is hurtful, though. I know he has issues with our family but I personally never did anything to him that I haven’t already apologized for repeatedly. He claims he has no problem with me but I see him maybe three times a year and he lives ten minutes away. He just never has time for me but he has plenty of time for his wife’s family and their friends. Idk. I suppose I should just stop trying honestly. I’ll be like my dad’s family. We never saw them growing up bc my mom didn’t get along with my grandma. So as a result we’re just not close, I know they’re out there but I haven’t talked to any of them in years. That’s what it’ll be like with my niece and nephew. They won’t know us or their cousin and it won’t make any difference. Oh well.

I think Christmas is throwing me for a loop. I like Christmas now, but for a loooong time I absolutely hated it. I’ve had two nightmares so far about my dad who died over 25 years ago. One was so upsetting it kept me up for two hours in the middle of the night. I think I’m thinking too much is the issue. I’m just feeling down on myself and thinking things are too good to be true right now. I feel like the bottom is about to drop out. Because I don’t deserve this happiness and all the good things I have. Not sure how to tackle that mindset.