What is interesting to me is how turned off by drinking I am right now, and I almost view alcohol as an evil vice. I haven't had any desire for a single beer and I have plenty of beer in my fridge. I have zero cravings and zero desire. This incident was very sobering.. no pun intended, lol. I realize the consequences, and I am thanking God that it wasn't worse, that there wasn't an accident involved, and that no one was hurt. Thank the Lord. This could have been a far worse nightmare.

I am also very lucky that I can take public transportation to and from work easily enough. This week, I am opting to use Uber for work. I have not used the public transportation system here in years because I've always driven, and I am nervous about getting to work on time.

And, a part of me is hanging my head in shame. I know how my deceased father would have reacted - with a very stern, paternal and authoritarian voice. Just like how my mother's first words were "you idiot!!!!".

I am so angry at her for that response. She didn't ask "are you OK?" or "are you hurt?" or "was anyone hurt?" Her first response was to condemn me.

No wonder I've had issues with self esteem. My parents are judgemental and condemning, and they have never truly been supportive of me my entire life. No wonder I've ended up in several abusive relationships, including an abusive marriage!

I am angry right now at both of them.

I know what I need right now, and that is far greater self-love and self-care. And that's what I am going to work on within myself.