I shouldn't be here invading S's personal space, being a burden, causing trouble, making him bring me places because I can't FLUCKING sleep and can't drive and he would feel guilty if I killed anyone, and I feel sooooo ****ing gross and dirty and vile and nasty and disgusting. I should be on the freaking streets freezing my arse off. He's going to be pissed because he's going to have to pick up my meds because again I slept like one hour.

Can I drink now? Can I use opiates again? Can I get freakin' wasted and pass out for a bit yet? I NEED A ****ING BREAK FROM EXISTENCE!!!

I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't do this anymore.
I don't think this is possible.

Why the **** did that ****ing dr have to ask me why I need to punish myself why couldn't she just leave it alone now I can't stop THINKING about how fking sick I am.