Quote:
Originally Posted by Samicat
I feel like I should add that I used the term "drinking problem" because you had said you had been abusing alcohol. I'm not aware of a clinical definition of that term, but in any case it never seemed to me that you are an alcoholic. I was just thinking if you wanted to try AA because here in my part of the world, they have clubs and social events with no alcohol. But I accept your reasoning and if you don't think you have an issue that sounds reasonable. In my own experience it's just hard to find social gatherings that don't promote alcohol, so I've looked at the "Alano clubs" as they are called here, with a wistful eye. My husband being a musician, we have often been at events where everyone except us is drinking heavily. I find the idea of alcohol-free events rather refreshing.
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Thanks @
Samicat. I appreciate your last post.
Honestly, I am taking my life one day at a time at the moment. I cannot look beyond the current day or week right now.
I am very overwhelmed by my new job. It's been 4 months, there's STILL SO MUCH to learn, and they're not teaching me what I need to know. I am left on my own a lot of the time, OR I have to try and squeeze it all into a weekly half hour time slot that I get with my boss.
So, I am focused on trying to survive AND thrive at work, without letting them know about my DUI. I was able to work from home this week, thankfully, but next week I will have to commute without my car.
I also feel like being a social recluse. I am being very reflective given this incident and a large part of me feels like being alone in solitude. In fact, I am embracing my solitude right now.
When I get my driver's license back in January, I think I will reassess my social life. I don't want to be around alcoholics because I cannot truly relate to that crowd. I just want to be around healthier minded people doing activities that do not involve alcohol. So, next year I will likely join an outdoor activity group or two, like I've been talking about for a while now.
I kind of feel like it's the universe talking to me right now, nudging me and forcing me in a new and healthier direction. My social life at music clubs has involved some negativity and drama that I don't care for. I am reflecting upon those incidents as well. I don't think that I am necessarily the cause, but I have become ensnared accidentally within some of it. Like I stepped in it accidentally.
I just want a peaceful, happy, and healthier existence. So, yeah, I am doing a lot of reflecting and am reevaluating my life.
I cry just about every morning when I wake up. I cry because I am both grateful and contrite. Grateful that it was not worse, and contrite because I know better.
Also, I cannot sleep a normal night's sleep anymore, so that's messing me up. Last night I fell asleep at 5 pm, just after work ended. I woke up at 1:30 AM. My sleep schedule is SO off because of menopause and my changing body chemistry or hormones. It's nuts.
Thank goodness I do not have a boyfriend right now, for that reason AND because of my DUI.