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Can you PLEASE convince me I CAN recover, and it's a good idea to do PHP even if I'm scared, and that the freedom of not being so locked up in my mind and obsessed is worth "losing control" of this one thing? Because I'm not sure of any of those.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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