Background: I'm an addict almost two months into alcohol recovery (had a little slip with benzos within the past week though so I won't say recovery overall). Got kicked out of my mom's and this guy, S, promised a clean & sober & safe environment. I've never had a clean/sober/safe environment in my life outside of hospitals so I thought this was going to be my turnaround point. We were going to start a band together but my ED started causing physical issues that got in the way of that. We became super close, but lately we've hated each other's guts. I have a feeling he's sick of me because I don't take care of myself (I don't eat and I don't sleep). He hates living with someone with an eating disorder. Every time he makes me something, something farrrrrrr from a safe food, and I don't eat it, he makes fun of me. Calls me a "wuss," says stuff with obvious hidden meaning like "I prefer my pets overweight to underweight" out of nowhere.

I know this is my fault but the other night we got into a fight. I've been planning for 14 hours to eat carrots at a specific time, and when that time came I found the carrots were bad so I sat down, cried, and threw the carrots across the kitchen towards the trash. Most made it in but there was a bit of a mess. Then he comes in and yells he's going to knock me out because he's sick of my fked up relationship with food and I need to get over it. Then I scream "please knock me out, my depressed insomniac *** would appreciate it!" We continued to go back and forth, him yelling "calm down," after saying something like "you're one of the craziest bytches I have EVER seen." Then last night I tried sleeping because I had three all nighters in the past week, but he decided to "clean-up" AKA slam dishes around, loudly drag chairs around, slam doors repeated, etc.

And then I don't remember when this was I think it was like a week and a half ago I still have the bruises but he brought a prospective vocalist over who came over clearly drunk and the dude physically assaulted me.

Before this I was bouncing around between shelter to shelter and crisis center to crisis center and it wasn't any better. I'd rather deal with this chaos than not be sure if I'm sleeping under one of a dozen roofs or in my car or a friend's house (which is a really bad idea because I don't have too many clean/sober friends).

I feel like if I felt safe I would sleep. Where do I go from here?