Behind closed doors it's far worse. My ex used to follow me from room to room, screaming at me. I would try to stop it by leaving the room and closing the door. Inevitably, he would stand outside the door, pounding on the door and screaming to be let in. Sometimes, I had to run away and leave the house altogether to escape. It was HORRENDOUS.

And yes, I agree with you. When the victim chooses to stay, despite knowing that it's abuse, it's enabling and allowing the abuse. However, I also know of victims who have to stay due to financial constraints, or children and lack of resources. Those are the victims I feel the worst pain for because they feel they cannot escape. In that case, I don't feel or believe that they are enabling or empowering their abuser. They are stuck and have to find the means to get out, like by escaping with nothing to a shelter, even with their kids. And women do this... I know of women who have escaped with no belongings and no money to a shelter. Thank goodness shelters exist for just that reason.

But I also know of victims who choose to stay out of fear of worse abuse if they leave. Abusers often will escalate if they think their victim is trying to leave and they often will make threats to take away the children. So, fear will stop many victims from leaving as well.

There are lots of different case scenarios. But the most triggering for me are the victims who try to excuse and explain away the abusive behaviors by saying oh, they have mental health issues, or they have this diagnosis or that, so that's the cause of the abusive behaviors, not that the person is in fact, abusive. That's where I get seriously triggered. In this case, the victim in my opinion is being foolish and is lying to themselves. And I have trouble with that.

I, myself, only went into a somewhat state of denial for about a week. Once I had my husband back and experienced the abuse all over again, I couldn't deny it. But I still thought we had a chance because at the time, he took ownership and so we went to therapy. Boy, was I mistaken. Therapy does not work with abusers. They don't change, and I realized how foolish my own thinking was at the time. I wanted to make it work. I wanted to have hope. But eventually, I gave up and walked away.