Well... my personal experience has been that no one (including your closest family members) wants to hear it. They may put up with it for a while if they think they have to. But they won't like it. Trying to talk to relatives or friends about your problems is at the very best pointless. And at worst it will sooner-or-later drive them away. The only people who are going to willingly listen to you talk about your pain are people you pay to do so. And half of them don't really want to hear it either. They just want your money. (This isn't to say, though, that you shouldn't try to find a good therapist if you can. I have read posts, here on PC, written by members who said their therapists saved their lives. So there are good therapists out there if you can find one. I don't know what's available where to you where you live.)

I know something about retaining "all this pain". I've been doing it for the better part of 70 years. And it not only hurts. But it's exhausting. (From what you wrote, it sounds like you already know that.) So what I have had to do is to find a path to healing that does not require the assistance of others. And that is why I have turned to the ancient Tibetan Buddhist teachings referred to as "Lojong" (mind training) as taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. As Ani Pema has written... you can imagine you are the worst person in the world... you can feel like you're the most depressed person in the world. That's a great place to start! Start where you are. That's the place to start...