feeling underwater from emotion, exhaustion from worry and stress, always being awake/vigilant, standing by, tending, walking on eggshells again

searching for answers and solutions, being told the solution is something i dont know if i can accommodate. wondering what is the right answer. assessing risks.

working a stressful job, having a stressful home life. not enjoying life much at all. doing hard work no play--feeling imbalance

feeling physical pain from so much depression. feeling sickened from a toxic level of stress. constantly thinking about being careful and making the right choices, and still not feeling secure or successful. can't escape others problems, can't enjoy myself. suppressing emotion for the sake of others. not being able to release the emotion later. not able to think of myself. feeling like no one. feeling so down. having caretakers fatigue.

all i know to do is be grateful for what i have, and that things arent worse. i'm pretty miserable. i'm at my breaking point from feeling so bad so long.

some things are going okay. but what does that matter when the most important things aren't? at least i have resources. i'm afraid of how down i'm feeling. and no, i don't want medication.

got to think of something pleasurable that is healthy, attainable