Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
I’m sorry Starling it sounds like you have situational anxiety and depression and no place to vent it.
You are still connected to a man that is drug dependent and still very selfish. Unfortunately, even though he is at a distance he still has a connection to what should be your sanctuary. You know deep down he wants a piece of it and he can make things very challenging.
I had to deal with that kind of challenge with my older sister and her need to have very unhealthy control over my parents. That lasted for too many years and it wore me out and reeked havoc on my nervous system.
It’s hard when a toxic person that needs a high and has mood swings can affect not only you but your children too.
Have you ever attended an alanon meeting? Sometimes being around others that you can vent to that understand can help.
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Thanks openeyes. i have attended some alanon meetings, which was helpful, but i couldnt get the time away from home for them so stopped going.
i am feeling better today although i barely slept. i was at a very low low yesterday. crying on my way to work. i felt very itchy from so much bad feeling. i cried for longer this morning, which helped ease some itchiness, frustration and exhaustion.
i did some research that i needed to do, which helped.
i'm not even struggling about "husband" right now, aside from knowing how he's affected our kids which i am very heavily dealing with the aftermath of. thankfully, i have finally condensed him to a tiny square space of my being. i am so relieved to close that chapter for the most part. i "get it" now, and i'm done processing the disaster of my unhealthy bond to him.
my daughter has been in a bad mental space for so long, and i have done everything in my power to help her. just when i thought id set up the help she may need, help for our family, she had just told me it won't work for her and instead she wants something that i cannot practically provide. i really lost hope the last couple days, and have been fighting off very negative thoughts.
she had been inpatient almost all of november, and i had good reason not to have confidence in the "professionals" where she was placed.
in the last few hours though, some of my choices and boundaries with her have paid off. so, i have rebuilt a bit of confidence as a mother to my child.
i was feeling the same level of toxic stress about my daughter that i had felt about my husband before. not good.