@East17 - thank you for posting. You seem to understand how stuck a person can get. Maybe you've had some experience with depressive episodes. Those are good suggestions. I need to get out of the house and look into those things. Some exploration I can do from home. If I do that, I need to take notes and mark my calendar with a specific day and time to go check a thing out. It takes making a commitment. Today, I've been such a wreck, it is helpful just to be heard and acknowledged. Thank you for that.


@divine1966 - thanks for the encouraging words. This is a busy, demanding time of year for most people. It should be for me to. I have a carpet cleaning service coming Monday to do my annual rug cleaning. I need to get my place picked up, so the guy can get at all the carpeting. Then I can begin putting up my tree and Nativity, etc. and figuring out a few gifts to send people and write my Xmas cards. For days I've been thinking I wouldn't bother with any of that. If I don't, it will lead to me being even worse depressed. I have to push myself.

divine1966, you are a practical person. Yes, you've made practical suggestions. I'm sorry, if you think I discarded them. That's not the case.

A pdoc once told me that the concerning thing about my problem with depression was its "chronicity." I like to read and watch biographies. I know lots of people who have lived full lives have experienced depression. I've read of people who had a bad interval of depression, came out of it and went on with their lives. It seems they recovered and did not keep relapsing. I'm amazed at those life stories. Mind is different. I do well in between depressive episodes. But there's always another episode. It has a lot to do with social isolation I'll readily admit that I'm not doing what it takes to change that. I intend to do more. First I have to pull myself up enough to be able to function. The worse stigma that I've encountered is the judgement that, if I would just try harder, I'ld be fine. I even make that judgement of myself. I know my life is exactly what I've made it. If I'm unhappy, I have no one to blame but myself.

I don't go singing the blues to others IRL. No one wants to hear it. "Cry, and you cry alone." I figure on a site like this, there's bound to be others who have chronically recurring depressive episodes. I post, figuring that someone might understand how it is to be stuck.

If I get going on getting organized for the carpet cleaning, I will feel better. It is true for me that getting something accomplished can turn the tide.