No, I meant depending on a man in general. I do wish I could depend on H at times. He has stepped up since L's leave. But he's not really there for me emotionally except for cuddles (which equals s*x), and spending quality time with me. But he doesn't listen to me or comfort me when I cry. He even admitted that he doesn't really support me emotionally when I talked to him about this. And he agreed, I take care of him more than he take care of me. At least he's honest.

More revelations: my views of men actually started from my father. He taught me and my sister to be "strong, independent, free-thinking women", and to never depend on a man for anything. He wanted us to be opposite of how he viewed women. All the while, we were learning how to stereotype people by genders. I think I'm attracted to strong women because my dad is attracted to strong women. I was taught those traits to be appealing. And when I find women like that, I aspire to be like them.