I think I agree with earthmama. I think the answer may lie in the grey areas.

Your father was your father. I think there's biological drives to love your caregivers. Not because of them so much as because of your need to elicit a nurturing response from them. Your father was limited because of himself, not because of you. He wasn't as good a father as he could have been. But that had nothing to do with your worthiness. And it was largely beyond your control.

The others... Well, loving doesn't have to be about whether they were worth it. Decisions yes. It's wise to make decisions based on who the other person is. It's wise to have expectations that aren't above what the other person can give. Or as I often say, lowered expectations are the key to happiness. Which isn't entirely true. But there's a fair amount of truth in reasonable expectations being the key to happiness.

The others... Well, Mr. Man, and Bob for that matter, had qualities that made them loveable to you. And you loved them. They were also limited. They can't be to you what you want them to be to you, because they are who they are. I doubt any of them wanted to hurt you. I am sure they want the best for you, and care about you to the extent they can. They hurt you by letting you down. They weren't "good" because they met your needs sometimes. And they aren't "bad" because they don't meet your needs now. They are who they are. A package of good and bad, of strength and weakness. Not good or bad in the entirety.

And so is your therapist. There will likely come a time when what you need and what he can give won't mesh. Hopefully he'll handle it sensitively. But he'll still be the complex package of good and bad qualities he is now.

Mind you, I do understand. I'm fully intending to hate my therapist forever if he terminates me. He repeated it as "be mad at me forever" when he asked if I wouldn't keep the good things as well. I said corrected him to hate, and said no, if he wanted me to keep the good things I darn well wouldn't. So believe me, I do understand.

In truth though (and don't tell him this) I'd probably drop the hate eventually. Not for him but because it would be too much pain for me to hold.