I know everyone has to take responsibility for themselves. When I start a thread, I try to use it partly to remind myself of what I need to do to improve things. I like for my thread to lead up to me eventually getting recovered. Then I can say I've gotten over the hump and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't see any light yet.

I have to make myself do things. It's hard because I feel hopeless. I'm lying down way too much. That's the worst thing I can do, but I keep doing it.

I feel like I'ld have more respect for myself, if I just decided to end my life, instead of living in this pathetic way. But I'm too afraid to do that. Besides, things aren't really that awful. Surely this won't last forever. I can look up old threads where I felt very depressed. I managed to get over each of those depressions.

I know the cycle will never end. Even if I recover again, that will only last for a while.

If I got up and started taking care of things . . . like doing the few dishes in the sink and staightening up my messy living room, I'ld probably feel better than I feel right now. I could play some music.

Either I'll improve, or I won't. Either I'll do what I should do, or I'll just get worse. Thanks for listening. No one owes me anything. When, I can report progress, I will.