Hugs, Artie. I'm sorry your H is acting this way. So, I remember something like this happening before when you had a medical concern or issue, maybe in the past year or so? Where your H was suddenly concerned about himself dying? It seems a bit like a pattern. Where you need support, and he's all into his own stuff instead. I mean, it does sound like he legitimately has an upper respiratory illness now, but I'm talking about the other stuff.

It possibly could be some maladaptive way of his trying to cope with something potentially being wrong with you (but that doesn't excuse it). Or it could be that he's used to being the one taken care of and still wants that from you. Rather than giving you support when you need it. Or...something else.

The thing is, you aren't responsible for his depression or possibly some other illness. He's an adult--he can choose to get help for his depression. He's just opting not to. And he could pursue testing for whatever else is possibly going on. It's not on you to do that for him or to stay married to him to make sure he does that.