So, about four years ago I sustained a series of traumatic losses over the course of a year and a half followed by four more traumatic events over the ensuing three years . I almost didn't survive this, but did somehow manage to process and come through it all. My issue now is that I do not trust life at all anymore. I don't feel remotely safe beyond what I have in the moment. I'm not overwhelmed by anxiety and feel pretty good most of the time, it's just that I no longer believe that life will allow me to keep anything good in my life.

I realize that safety is an illusion and that anything can be lost at any moment, but usually humans need some sense of security to function. I just feel like if a cluster of awful things can happen once, it can happen again. I no longer even have any goals beyond the short term. This is somewhat freeing, but I also feel like this has ruined my ambition. I appreciate what I have because I expect it to be taken at any moment. Striving for large goals seems foolish and destined to fail.

I'm not sure how a person can live like this long-term. Having some belief in success seems necessary to keep moving forward. How can I ever regain that knowing what I've been through? How do I feel safe again knowing that it's a lie?