Quote:
Originally Posted by AnaWhitney
Thanks for your replies. Amandalouise, thank you for all this information, it was good to get a different perspective and there’s lots for me to think about.
It’s not that I want to hide my symptoms, it’s just that I often feel like a liar or like I am exaggerating etc. and find it hard to put words to my experiences as sometimes the words seem too dramatic.
I wasn’t honest in answering certain questions in my evaluation because it is hard to disclose things like abuse and self harm. I had a follow up appointment and I wrote down the correct answers to those questions so I’m all good there.
I was told I am suspected to have BPD which I did not think I had. However when I really looked into it, I saw a lot of things I could relate to and things started making sense for the first time, even though I still felt I did not fit the typical profile for BPD. I think that’s because I have hid it due to the rejection in the past. That’s what I was wondering, if that was a thing?
I have no intention of hiding it now for the assessment and I do want the correct diagnosis. I am wondering if I have been living in a way that keeps BPD traits under wraps because of what happened when I did not hide them when I was at school. I isolate and stay away from others emotionally and physically and I feel like I have not lived.
I am even going through this thing with my T where I keep telling her I hate her so that I will not feel in anyway close to her so it will not hurt if she lets me down. I have been seeing her for a year and I’ve started this crap a few weeks ago and I can’t break out of it and it’s because I don’t want to need her because it will hurt too much.
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thank you for clarifying. Im glad you did manage to get the correct for you answers down after words. I do now that you mention that remember you stating that in the other thread also. I had forgotten about that.
yes it is a thing as you call it where people will hide things out of rejection. even normal people do it all the time. we only tend to hear about it in things like talk shows, but the reality is every human being has secrets they dont tell other people and most times its for fear of what the other person will think and that they will reject us in some way.
yes its normal to push away those we care about for all kinds of reasons. there are lots of reasons why a person pushes away their friends, family, therapists and most times its not because of the disorder.
its not a disorder thing to push people away because of rejection. if it was there would not be any non mental disordered or mental disordered people making friends, having intimate relations and getting married. even completely normal people push their friends, family, treatment providers away for fear of rejection.
the personality traites are over a wide range its not just about relationships any more. it used to be that pushing those we know away for fear of rejection, having trouble making friends was a huge diagnostic part of this disorder.
since 2022 it goes much deeper than that, and it involves other things too. theres cultural situations that are now taken into consideration.
each person is diagnosed individually now based on what their culture and lifestyle is (location, race, disabilities, society beliefs, norms, language and other ways of communication, education, values and so much more.)
interpersonal functioning is just one of diagnostics.
theres also severity, cognition, impulse control and affectivity. and the patterns must be over a wide range including occupational, social and other important areas of functioning.
my long-winded point is because of what BPD is, and the wide range that it affects a person, their life, their culture, their place in society, how you speak and phrase things and so on. its actually very hard to hide it.
you may have been able to hide what was in your control to hide, either unconsciously or consciously, just like any other teenager can do, like who you get close to and not.
You can relax. most people do not get diagnosed with this as teens anyway.
the personality traits have to be enduring and across a wide range, not just in their relationships with the various people in their life.
if and I stress if because this is not a diagnosis site. if you end up diagnosed with this now it's no reflection on you and whether all those years you were able to hide it well. whether you have been living with it all these years or not.
if you get diagnosed with this now it's because this disorder is ....now.....under serious consideration by your treatment provider to look into and actually test for.
not because of your abilities to hide things in your relationships with those around you. it is no reflection on you and whether you purposely push people away out of fear of rejection.
breath and relax, and good thoughts coming your way as you take your tests.