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I know for me it's like a computer that's been to too many sketchy porn sites and goes into blue screen of death mode.
For me it's trigger->meltdown (usually involves self destructive behaviors like self harm or substance use, sometimes violence that doens't hurt others like punching walls or throwing shyt)->dissociation->grounding->back to empty but present
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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