I'm sorry you're dealing with this, AnaWhitney. I think LT has some good thoughts. I wish I did. I just wanted to, I don't know, try to help you feel less alone in it or something because I have been through the whole push/pull thing with my long-term t for seemingly forever. Well, not constantly; it comes and goes. Sometimes we talk it through and I stay, sometimes we take a break for a while. Both talking it through and taking a break have had their positives, I suppose. But I wish I knew how to just make it stop for good.
I hope you can talk with her about it and I wish you all the best.