Oh god.. What do I do, about this life.

I've seen many things.. The excitement and newness is gone. I am wiser.. I could look up how to do anything, live anything - What destination..

And where I came from, was clawing out of the dirt, rebirthing of my soul. What now.. Who am I now.. Who was I then.. Distortions, unconsciousness, the flashlight sees here right now. And I don't feel the energies that I should..

There's more. I took unknown chemicals, they opened a universe.. Enjoy. But wonder.. What have I done, and that I'm okay, was always like this.. Speculator, observer, giggly, funny.. People grew older, the leaves fall - The small pools of rain water reflect the portals, reaching into the ground, the portals are the gamma ray bursts from the north and south poles of condensed, heated, matter.. - As I walked through that park one day on MDMA, depressed. Who was looking at me, what happened to them.. What happened to anything. Am I free.. Am I breathing right now.. step onto the stones with me, and feel their warmth... They are old, ancient in fact.. To build some shamanic, geometric symbol of where?

Heaven, death, memories, history.. As I said, always, like this. Was. And there's no spark. I would shoot myself, and I'd breathe life into anyone that wants to shoot themselves, because of the ones that need to... Go somewhere else. Where?

The inter galactic city that I visited in my dreams.. Mirrors on buildings, on one big building, with streets.. Teleportation, planets of all colours in the sky. Unearthly trees and huts where weird entities live - Do they love? I know they feel ecstasy. Everyone does weird things, lives weird lives. Reality is weird. But so normal - To go anywhere within the now.. The roses fall on the grave, the mushrooms synchronize ions underneath the stars, reflecting consciousness, like the blue fresh water wells on tropical islands.

I lied down, no where.. On the grass, northern lights - We see from satellites orbiting the Earth, the lightning, the highways and city lights, walking or driving through.. In beads, listening to the radio - We're all a radio.. Listening to frequencies - Good and bad.. Or just static, like this post. I want to listen to the people that listen to me... Tapping our phone calls, collecting our data.. What for - Pay no mind.. Deny, don't prep for the collapse of civilization, for there is always a civilization in your perception.

I can be an angel.. Healing, was attractive, having fun.. That's what happened. Who cares, it all happened to everyone. It's the trip. Money is value, like an experience is.. Sitting in the gutter, watching sewer drain rats scour around you, or having sex in a Paris hotel, with expensive wine, cocaine, and chocolate. Take a hit.. I want to just be psychedelic crack, but I choose to be slow released.. I am the one the breathe out, like a family cat that sleeps to absorb the negativity of everyone in the house, and dream what ever it is that our DNA correlates to - Animal kingdom.. Souls, everywhere. Entities, everywhere - Like when you see faces in the clouds, or on the fronts of cars, on funny looking houses..

Pattern me to a place with love.. What am I doing by writing this? Disconnecting the connection of reality, who will read, I never cared.. I was lonely, and wrote scribbles of imagination - Copying music artists in my own way, rotating, lifeless.. If I'm to be honest now.. What is suicide.. And therapy, when I've been distorted yet comprehended by no one, and absorbed not much.. Connect the dots, Look at the globe is my go to - Flashing, every time different.. Changing, spontaneous simulation, who cares.. The spies are like insects, intelligent ones - Are just in frequencies, tuned to the right station. That man, sitting with his TV in America, to India, spreading all around this globe.. Where is my neuroplasticity going to be.. Put my hand in the fire, is what I choose.. My mind doesn't matter, not over matter.. Just stupid, cuz I'm tired, I was.. Feeling everything unbearable, being on a reality TV show, visiting alien planets on video games, feeling the heat from the radiator, as it rains outside.. Looking at the weather temperatures, technology, like a nut now..

Why is it not to be the way I'd like, but cognitive impairment for ever and ever - Unless I try, but still broke from reality, as we all did, when we woke up, were birthed, and died.. We're dead now - And we're living.. The air is magic, and cold.. Wanting to go up or down, not knowing where to be.. Everyone will be mixed up, and the radio will go out of tune.. Do I want it in tune? Do I really want anything, when I've had thoughts that people spent their whole life gravitating towards, making wealth, investing in themselves, community, actualization.. What is mine.. Straw barrels waiting to be carried away, with exhaust fumes dissipating into the orange sky, lake boats - All engines.. Machines.. Burn why don't you..