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You should call your pdoc.
As for the rest, what are you really worried about? What’s the real concern? Losing the freedom to keep abusing yourself? Maybe it would be nice to relax and let someone else be in control for a bit?
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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