This is such an interesting topic and I may have more to add later, but for right now I can observe that I think part of it may be that some of us are extroverted or tend to be more "open books" and thus simply more likely to allow a toxic person into our lives. I recently moved to a new town and was seeking new friends, and had a bad experience that blindsided me because it happened via a writing group, a scenario that had previously seemed "safe" to me after years of participating in such groups without negative incidents.


When people are older - especially over 30 or 40, I think some people have settled into their friend groups and not really open to meeting new people. But extroverts like me (or sometimes less extroverted people who are in a new situation - new job, newly single, new city or whatever) will seek new contacts and affiliation. And Toxic people are sometimes the ones who sense that. Perhaps because they are toxic, they have less friends or are single and thus open to new contacts and finding new "victims."


I certainly notice with my newly single female friends that say dating is much more difficult when older, simply because the guys who are "good relationship" material are already taken. The remaining options may be players, confirmed bachelors, or have other issues.


Anyway, I have to go back to sleep but interested to see where this discussion leads. I am actually meeting someone from my depression support group tomorrow - she invited me to go for coffee. I am determined to take this super slow and very casual this time, since I don't know if she is friend material.