I don't think anyone I've known irl has loved me. Maybe S does even though we fight like every day. It's my fault though.

I keep being told I need to take care of myself more/love myself more/abuse myself less.

I have a little bit of a trauma and CEN history and I think that's the main cause. How can you love yourself if you were always told everything you did was bad, or wrong, or you were treated like shyt constantly?