Dr. S. - I know my thoughts are leaving to feelings that are coming from a place where everything is about me. Part of me knows, it has nothing really to do with me and oddly that doesn't hurt. And there's the part of it not being about me - that thinks that because it is not about me, I don't matter - never did. That brings up feelings of hurt and anger, loss and betrayal.

I think that part of me can't let go of it's impact on me.

Somewhere in there is the knowledge that me not mattering at all like 0% is a lie. Then does that mean, I didn't matter enough - I'm not enough - not worthy?

And I circle around back to thinking (knowing?) it not being about me - how a decision in your life shouldn't be about me. That I am and never was in your life in a way that I should play much of role in your life decisions. Not a decision like this.

Knowing with ones head is not the same as knowing with ones heart. Maybe that is the problem. What would knowing with my heart be like?