Quote:
Originally Posted by speckofdust
I've been seeing my T about every 2 weeks. I think I'm going to tell her this week that I'm good for now - don't need to schedule out into the future. My last bit of "business" with her is finding a way to get past the anger I feel toward my adoptive mother. She was a terrible mother for me in many ways, and affected me for many years after her death. I've been writing about it, and I feel like I've got it pretty well sorted. I think I will meet with her this week, and then call it quits for a while.
I'm in a really good place, and I think I've moved past all of the other issues. I will miss my T, though, a great deal. I've been seeing her for about 11 years, most of that time our appointments were weekly. She has become like a mentor and "friend" to me (in a therapisty way, and in a deeper, more personal way). She is the only person in the world who knows everything I've endured and worked through.
I suppose she'll be like one of those friends that slowly drifts off into the ether as we communicate less and less. It's gonna be difficult, though. I guess the bright side is that I feel well enough to not need therapy at this point.
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It sounds like you've done a lot of work and are in a really good place. I am in a similar situation in that I am drastically reducing sessions with intentions to end within a year. I've done a lot of work in therapy and adore my T, but I just feel that it's time. I don't want to be in therapy forever, especially if I'm really only staying now in order to hold on to the attachment to my T.
But it's also sad to realize that my T and I will eventually not be meeting at all. So there is ambivalence there, for sure. However, he is adamant that I could come back if needed and that our relationship can forever be a source of strength and comfort in my life.
Any ending or change in a relationship may naturally cause feelings of sadness and loss, even if you know it's inevitable, or natural (such as when a child grows up and moves away or the death of a loved one) or even if you are choosing the ending yourself. But that's ok. It's human and natural to feel sad sometimes. Change is hard. But accepting it, moving through it (feeling the feelings) and then getting to the other side can be so worth it because it may create room for new things and new experiences.
Honestly, I've been surprised at the opening and expansion I am experiencing by not having therapy be such a central organizing factor in my week. I've been in therapy for so long that I didn't realize how much emotional energy and space it took up in my day to day life. I thought about therapy all the time. I went to therapy a lot! Not that I regret all these years of therapy, but I do feel a sort of unexpected freedom mixed in with the sadness of ending.