Your last line shows how you have come to see the reality. There was nothing you could have ever done to change the kind of person your wife really is. She is STILL being selfish and self serving. Once you see it you finally realize you don’t want to live your life servicing someone who doesn’t have the capacity to appreciate and respect.

Now is not the time to sell and replace. It’s good that your house didn’t sell when your wife manipulated you into giving up so much and thinking you had to appease her. House prices and interest rates are too high. That has in turn increased the cost of renting.

Also, your wife would not choose the manipulative friends she hangs with unless she is like that herself. This is what that one woman who distanced from this group realized. She saw their toxic game and walked away. People do see it eventually.