Thanks Lost. I have built up a lot of trust with L. I have given my all to my therapy with her. And I know she has given a lot, too. And yet, here we are at an impasse. It's not like I can ask her to stop have children... I have had to hold a lot of things in terms of L's life affecting me: 2 office moves, 2 residential moves, 3 deaths, engagement, marriage, pregnancy, and then the months/year of fearing that she might have to move out of state. Those are just the things I feel comfortable listing here. Her life is constantly impacting mine. I get that's what real relationships do, but this isn't a real relationship like the rest of life's relationships. This is a therapeutic relationship. If I was a friend or family member, I could call her up just to see how she's doing. I could probably ask to drop by to see her and the baby. I wouldn't be cut off. I feel like she's playing both sides: allowing her life to impact me so much and holding therapeutic boundaries. That also isn't fair. The last 5 months of therapy have been about her and how she's affecting me. Before that, we were working on my childhood traumas. MY therapy has had to be put on hold.

You're right though. This is my anger. I have been holding so much grief and anger over this pregnancy and maternity leave. Even the fact that she chose G who completely failed me, and now I'm on my own. I don't know what I'm going to do. And it all depends on her timeline. She could be planning to get pregnant in the next year for all I know, and I'll be right back here sooner than later. She is considered older for childbearing years, so I could logical see her moving fast to have children. And what if it's not 1 or 2 more. She has 3 siblings. What if she wants the same? And where does that leave me? How can she be a good mother to multiple young children and hold down a career? From my perspective, she can't. She'll have to choose between being a mother and being a therapist. And if it came down to that, I'm out of luck.

I seriously don't know what to do.