I used to think that I was faking or lying about my symptoms. And I would downplay my traumas. I think I was somewhat lucky because at that time I was immersed in the mental health community, so I was surrounded by people who had experienced what I was experiencing. Even feeling like I was faking or lying. Over time, I was able to own my own experiences and symptoms for a lot of things. However, PTSD symptoms and experiences were the hardest for me to own. Still is. It took L going throughly over a diagnostic test with me in order for me to accept that I suffer from PTSD.

Just go with whatever is present. Even if you feel like it's a lie. It could be anything from numbing to disassociation or denial. All are normal to experience. It's okay if you haven't found your truth yet.