It's good your pdoc won't put you on anything that causes weight gain. I feel like like almost EVERY AP causes weight gain!

I like the term "manipulate". I definitely do that. These past three (four now?) weeks are the first I've stayed on the same meds in a long time, without changing something on my own, which is usually going off something.

Example: I went off prazosin and trazodone on my own because I felt both were useless. I reduced my loxapine dose on my own because I couldn't tolerate the high dose of it I was on and didn't feel my pdoc was taking me seriously. He wasn't very happy with me for reducing my loxapine dose. He got pissed. I'd like to go off loxapine completely, but I don't think he'd be very receptive to that idea.

I'm on too many ****ing meds. I'm a walking pharmacy. I don't need to be on all these meds.

This is what I want to be on:

Gabapentin
Diazepam
Cymbalta
Seroquel

(And topamax and metformin for weight control purposes)

I don't NEED to be on Lamictal or loxapine! I'm not even sure if I need to be on Cymbalta. And diazepam freaks me out, but when I asked him to take me off that he said no, and I'm too scared to do it on my own.

I told him I abuse seroquel, but it didn't even seem to phase him! I just called asking for more and he wrote me a prescription for more of it.

I NEED an AP or I will go crazed 🤪. And right now I feel stuck on seroquel (my drug of choice) and loxapine (which I can only take in so low of a dose I don't even know if it's doing anything!).

I am unhappy.