"Probably" shouldn't have said you'll be dead soon? C'mon now.

I promise I'm not trying to make light of your situation. I truly hope you can work things out. Based on the snapshot, it appears that you and your son need far more help than an online forum could ever offer. And I'm not one to say therapy is the magic pill because it's not. I had issues (very similar to this) with my own son. We did therapy, programs, medication, you name it. Nothing worked. We talk some now but the relationship is damaged and I know he's set in his ways that I don't agree with. That's why he doesn't live in my house any more. I simply couldn't (and still don't) trust him. Am I correct in saying your son doesn't live with you?

Lastly, you have all my sympathy about not wanting Christmas. I have been there. In the REALLY bad years, we didn't even get a tree yet I'd STILL feel obligated to buy him presents. My daughter (two years younger than my son) is the one who REALLY suffered and I'll never forgive myself for that. Now the roles are reversed. She comes home from school and is welcomed into our house for her breaks. On Christmas day I run a plate of food over to my son's place and spend some time with him. It's obviously not ideal but I do what I have to do.

I just hope you can find peace and solitude.