I sympathize with you in that having a partner or child that has ADHD is a constant challenge. My husband has both ADHD and Dyslexia and I have been married to him for 43 years. My mother in law said to me on my wedding day “good luck keeping up with him because I never could”. Well , I sure found out what she meant and I was also going to learn about alcoholism and binge alcoholism. Though my husband has been sober for 32 years, the alcoholism is still a part of his life as he goes to AA meetings just about every nite. He helps others and he seems to need that social outlet. There are many others in that program that like him have ADHD. They just NEED to be busy and social.

For the most part these individuals are driven and wrestless and tend to have less dopamine receptors in their brain so when they are introduced to alcohol that stimulates dopamine they are very susceptible of developing an addiction to where they can drink more than others and even black out and seem to still function until they finally pass out.

It’s actually important to understand this challenge so these individuals can learn how to stimulate the dopamine they do have in healthy ways so they don’t end up alcohol drug dependent where they hurt themselves and others.

Luckily for me I ended up having two therapists, both men, that are married to someone with ADHD. My last therapist’s wife and son both have ADHD and he had to learn to be very patient. These individuals are very busy and active. They don’t like to sit around, they can get very bored. No they don’t do well sitting and listening, they just don’t have the attention span. Yes, they can get frustrated and angry. It’s a spectrum so some are more difficult than others. One therapist I had that met my husband told me that he noticed right away that my husband is VERY ADHD.

My mother in law told me how my husband as a baby had to be driven around in the car just to go to sleep. I finally got to the point where we have to sleep in separate beds because my husband is loud and busy in his sleep.

Your son should be getting help to stop drinking AND how to better manage his ADHD.

It’s not easy because often these individuals prefer to live in denial that they do have a problem with alcohol/drugs. Expecting him to pay attention to your emotional challenges etc is a waste of time.