I doubt I am welcome in one of your threads given your previous comments about me being a bully and presumably thinking I contribute to your perceived toxicity of these forums, but I am going to comment anyway! There are some parallels being discussed here with my experience of therapy at the moment so this helps me make sense of what is going on for me.

Our own rhythms clashing with other people's timescales is really hard to navigate. It's painful and frustrating. However, it is also part of relationships and part of what makes relating to others energetic and revealing - as well as sore and grating. I think we lose sight of our agency when we talk about unfairness, suffering etc and I don't mean because we can make choices and use our power within the relationship (I agree that this is not easy and clients are not in a powerful position). I mean it from the point of view that these pauses in therapy, the other person's timescale taking priority, etc gives us the chance to experience more of what a relationship is truly about. Our stuff gets more room, gets to breathe, gets the chance to emerge beyond contact with the other. The therapeutic closeness, hand holding, emails, etc can be important aspects but they are only a part of the therapeutic story. I totally understand craving that kind of holding, but it is also limited.

I think what una said about a child therapist is really interesting and relevant - being able to tolerate and then grow whilst experiencing the pain of another's timescale feels really adult to me. I am not there, but I have an awareness of something. And let's not forget - if the therapeutic relationship continues after the pause, you have the space to explore what has happened for you. Living this stuff is the real work, not seeking seamless attunement.

As I say, this isn't clear to me and I lose sense of things, but it's definitely something I am thinking about and feeling into.