Dr. S. It's been 2 weeks since I last emailed you. I don't have any updates so no legitimate reason to email you. And, I've come to realize that there isn't any "going/working for what I want" because what I want requires you to be willing to give it and you are not able/willing to give it anymore. So there is only accepting the letting go.

I wish you wouldn't have said the humans first statement or that when I said that you'd be gone - that it sounded so final. It is final. You are gone. And being human first for sure means different things for each of us. Maybe those comments meant something different when you said them - than the reality of the situation hit you too.

I can't say that I won't ever email you again (unless you become my T again). I am still at counting the days, each and every day -- how many days T free have I been. So I may fall. I may need the mommy you bad enough or an event be significant enough that I email you. Depending on what it is, I might text you too. I am going to try not to contact you at all.