MY adult sons, in their thirties, can be disrespectful, too. I haven't addressed it with my therapist, but i will if they "act up" when I see them at Christmas.

I suggest you go to therapy on your own, It works well for me. (I often talk about frustrations with my hubby, though.) We can give you our advice, but we're not trained counselors. I agree that he probably felt you were mothering him too much--a hard balance to keep. I do feel for you--and I think a counselor can be a lot of help. Just one addditional thought i have is he might have some brain challenges due to his mother's alcohol abuse when he was in his womb. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.) Those children can be very irritable, etc.