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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy
I didn't know that about office gossip - that you can sue and that it's against the law, that's interesting. I agree, gossip does create a negative and hostile work environment.
That is a really difficult place to be in: having been talked about, overhearing, bringing it up, their response...no wonder you're worried about being fired. You have my sympathy over this, really.
I like all of your ideas regarding other jobs, including the possibility of sticking with paralegal, if that works for you.
I totally agree that any job can be toxic. I'll have to take your word that many places are. Though I'm beginning to think that myself. I will say I worked in a very toxic library, years ago. But I've known people who work in libraries and love it. And no two libraries are the same. I say look into it. Try out all your ideas, if you want.
I want to also rephrase what I said about other people being stupid. I have personally just found some situations with certain coworkers and group dynamics to be challenging and upsetting. I think I have some trigger points that are set to "high," unfortunately. Maybe you can relate? If not, apologies, and feel free to ignore this part. Gossiping in the work place type stuff is a type of thing that would bother me too and at the very least, put me on alert with the person doing the gossiping. In terms of problem-solving... I've got more of the focus on myself with stuff like this, because...I can't change anyone else.
You brought up people skills and while I'm sure you have people skills(!!!) it doesn't hurt to learn more. I think learning people skills, or even just examining our own behavior and part in an interaction can be helpful. Creating boundaries in our interactions and regulating our emotions around difficult interactions...maybe that's part of people skills too.
Keep us updated about your situation if you want.
I hope you get the grant for your kitten.
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Quote:
That is a really difficult place to be in: having been talked about, overhearing, bringing it up, their response...no wonder you're worried about being fired. You have my sympathy over this, really.
I like all of your ideas regarding other jobs, including the possibility of sticking with paralegal, if that works for you.
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Thank you. It sucks to be in my space but I'm the common denominator so I put myself here by reacting to what I overheard.
I definitely fail on the people skills scale despite adapting myself to other people's moods (thanks, codependency coping skills for that maladaptive mindset).
Plus, I think I fail because most people are "internal" processors where they think and reflect before they speak. Not me. I am an external processor. I have to talk and react aloud first (react then think). So, when I work with internal processors then I get labeled as difficult and overreactive, which is how I present but not how I actually feel or believe that i am. It's just that I can't internally process (think before I speak). I have tried so many times but that goes against my very nature. People who are internal processors accuse me of being too high strung, which is just because my brain moves a a gazillion miles a minute. I can't stop thinking. Doctors label it as a deficit - OCD, ADHD. I view it as a skill, a gift, that my brain's processor is mega fast.
I can relate to you 100% about your perceived high trigger points. Are they high for you or just for other people who are internal processors? Think about it. Nothing wrong with internal or external processors, except when both work or socialize together sometimes misunderstandings, miscommunications, assumptions, etc. happen.
I agree. We can't change others. We can only change ourselves.
I had a meeting with both attorneys and one of the founding partners whom I approached. At first, they tried to protect the female attorney but I used those talking points appropriately from that hostile work environment blog I posted on the 1st page of my thread and that was the line I set, the boundary I set down for them. Either respect that line and boundary of mine, or I walk out the door.
The female attorney FINALLY apologized but it took her 35 minutes (I glanced at my watch LOL) to cough up an apology (can't tell if it was disingenuous or authentic). The other male attorney recovered and the founding partner recovered. We agreed that they need to respect the way I communicate which happens to be different from the way they do. Once we all got on the same page, the room de-escalated. Do I think I'm out of hot water here? Hell no. I think they're keeping a close eye on me (and me on them).
I'm planning my employment escape daily with job applications, have phone interviews before or after work hours and a timeline (be at a new job by spring 2024). Of course, they could fire me in another 30 days at my 60 day review. Pfft.
Quote:
You brought up people skills and while I'm sure you have people skills(!!!) it doesn't hurt to learn more. I think learning people skills, or even just examining our own behavior and part in an interaction can be helpful. Creating boundaries in our interactions and regulating our emotions around difficult interactions...maybe that's part of people skills too.
Keep us updated about your situation if you want.
I hope you get the grant for your kitten
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I think I'm going to dive into my leadership books from y masters degree and reread the sections about interpersonal boundaries etc and different work styles and different communication styles to refresh the tools I can use in conversation with the two attorneys to help them communicate with me better, and I with them.
I will keep everyone updated. I'm overwhelmed by your posts b/c it sometimes feels really lonely here.
I hope I get the grant for my kitten too.