Hey everyone,

Just wanted everyone to know that if you're in a bad situation, you don't have to stay in it forever. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think it was possible because I love my husband so much, but after last night's abuse and me locking myself in our bedroom, I had no choice but to have him involuntarily committed for his violence and not taking his meds.

It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

I am fat and ugly with very low self-esteem. I didn't think it would be possible that I would ever fall in love, because of how bad I have always felt about myself. So, I settled. I settled for a man that I didn't really have a lot in common with, but just someone who needed me so much they showed me unconditional love. That's what I needed. Just someone who would love me.

So now tonight he is going to bed in a psych ward, because I had him taken off our lease and changed our locks. Maybe it hasn't settled yet completely. The fact that I am all alone now, or that he's all alone. But I had to do this for my safety as well as my mental health. What could have I done differently is the question I keep asking myself. He kept hearing voices, the worse one was he kept hearing my voice telling him horrible things in which he would say "Lynn stop talking shyt to me or shut the F up" when I wasn't even saying anything, he was hearing it in his head. The mental and verbal abuse had me living in fear. I wish he would have taken his meds when he was supposed to, but I couldn't force him. I stopped him from doing drugs but to make him take meds too? It felt like so much on my shoulders when I suffer from my own mental health issues too.

I'm hurting tonight. I feel like I did the right thing, but I am having flashbacks of his face in my mind, and the tears are welling up in my eyes. Why does life have to be this hard?

All I know is, if I didn't spend 10 months in jail and 18 months in rehab and then another 9 months in a sober living house, would I have had the strength to leave him today. I worked so hard to gain back my independence, that I can't throw it away so easily for someone else no matter how much I love them.

I just wanted to express my gratitude for this forum always being here to get me through these times.

I'm looking to make some friends too, so please say hello in the comments below.

Thanks again.