Thank you both for your responses. I do have an AA who has gone through the same things that I have and she is a god sent. I do love AA but they need to be careful about the things they say other than alcohol. Without couseling this time I don't think I would have made it. I am still struggling and they think it is because I have not surrendered. Or when I shake becasue of PTSD they think i drink again. I love AA but this is getting really hard. I think i need to change meetings for a while except for the few that the other lady attends who understands what i am trying to do.