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nonightowl · 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by will19

As of now I'm realizing that this Christmas, this time, is not going to be great. Probably even more so this time than in the past, when I've spent so many Holidays alone.

This Christmas I won't have a single friend. And then my sister had a fall last week and broke some bones on her arm. I called her last Thursday and she didn't sound good and was in a hurry to hang up on me. She said she'd call me the next day and, as of now, still hasn't called. She does that to me a lot and I get tired of it. Plus, when I call, it's always a bad time. So I don't like to reach out because I have a fear of rejection and it happens almost all of the time.

I remembered decades ago, when I was much younger, that during times when I'd be watching TV with my father, I'd sing along with the Christmas commercials I was happy back then. While I was singing, my father interrupted me by saying, "there are many who feel really bad at this time of year". I thought that he was such a downer and it was hard for me to believe how people can feel bad during the season. Now that I'm much older and alone, I know why.

I thought you had cut your sister out of your life but that was months ago, that I saw that thread or maybe longer.

Your dad sounded way more "in touch" or in tune with how things are for some people than mine.

Yeah, I really get it too.

I'm well more aware of things like dysfunctional families, the ever widening gap between the haves and have nots, cultural expectations to have big plans, how commercialized and superficial our holidays are, how the pressure to shop can be too much, how the shorter days impact people's moods, etc.......while we have two wars going on and continue to get mass shootings like no other country does. But tis' the season right?

I swear it's a form of adult peer pressure: It's the holidays and you're supposed to be cheerful and be with family/friends. The ***** at the senior center who was processing my renewal insisted I "must" have somebody for my emergency contact. That was like pouring gasoline on a fire, for crying outloud.

To add insult to injury, I'm getting promotional emails from my credit union or bank or to complete a survey on the call with a representative. No emails, texts, or calls from anybody I want to hear from. Just marketing or scams, that's all the messages I get now.