Scarlet, your comment about "holding on" makes me think of this song by Death Cab for Cutie ("Rand McNally Atlas") that I kept listening to while I was having a rupture with Dr. T about a year ago (the "love thing," as we call it). The verses of the songs don't fit, but he keeps repeating in the chorus, "But I won't let the light fade, I won't let the light fade." Then near the end, he says, "I'm holding on, holding on." I saw "the light" being the bond in the relationship, the good stuff that's there. It was easier to run away, to let the light go out. But I wanted to try to push through that, and I'm glad I did.

So I agree with your thoughts on holding onto the love when there might not be something else to hold onto--L being able to see you regularly right now, the unknown future with her, etc. Maybe that's something you can talk about, how to hold onto that?