Thank you for asking. I just now discovered your post. My mental health is not good.

I am very sad and depressed. I keep trying to think of a plan I can believe in. Nothing I think of, or tell myself, gives me any hope.

I should just get up and finish picking up around the place. I should get dressed. Everytime I get up, my urge is to go back to sitting or lying down. If I could just get out of the house, but it's too hard to even get off the couch.

I want to get some help, but I don't think there is any for someone like me. I've had some negative experiences dealing with mental health professionals.

There is a lot of judgementalism out there. It is understandable. The reason is that a depressed person appears very much like a lazy person. When you see someone lying around, doing nothing, it's hard not to believe that the person is creating her own hell. In a way, that is true. While depressed, we do create our own hell. Many think a depressed person needs "tough love" and not molly-coddling, because the depressed person needs to get off their ***** and do something, which is kind of true.

If only I didn't have to be alone so much. I don't need to have anyone throw a pity-party for me. It would help just for someone to believe me. Over the past month, I have made efforts to not just vegetate. There is no way to explain how hard it has been to do ordinary things that I magaged to do. Anyone might say, "What's the big deal?" There is no explaining this state of mind. Mornings are really bad. If there were somewhere I could go to be with other people, even for just an hour in the morning, I'ld likely feel less distressed for the rest of the day.