Long story short, just to be safe, last night I took steps to make sure I could not act on the SI thoughts going through my mind. I knew they would pass but also knew better safe than sorry. It's weird to type this because they've never gotten that bad before. After I made sure I was safe, I felt so much better because the temptation had no control over me. I slept better than I have in days too! I'm grateful for a little relief from these thoughts. Hopefully, they stay tame for a bit-even a week or two would be nice. Then, it will be easier (in theory) to get ahold of my counselor and pdoc since it will be after New Year's.

I'm grateful for a space to be able to share this with others. Sharing here helps in general and is a good first step in working up the courage to tell my pdoc and counselor when I see them next.