I took benzos too often

Diazepam has a 2-4x longer half life than clonazepam. I should have stuck to clonazepam like the psychiatrist wanted initially. For some reason, I thought the half lives didn't matter much.

There's too much though.. Of thoughts.. I wish this didn't happen. I'll try and meditate. Music sounded great, and I was fine.. Then I bought new earbuds, I thought about money.. Then thought about work.. And my coworkers..

I want to be alone. I am reserved.. I don't want anyone to interact with me. They just cause me problems.

I don't have a problem with anyone though. Why do people have problems with me. What am I doing wrong.. Feeling too much pain is the only thing + avoidance and being isolated for so long.

Why do people pretend like reality is even real if I know it isn't? If I tell them, they're like "What? Are you ok?" and I think .. What? Are we just supposed to be actors? Or do you not know you're even acting? Are you being yourself? No one has to be themselves anyways.. What guideline says that that has to be a rule.. I am being myself always.. I don't lie, I hide away.. Go away.