I’m going to be honest, I’d be pretty horrified if I thought friends of mine were looking over mine and my families life in a critical way. I don’t mean that unkindly towards you, because I believe you mean well and care but it would honestly compromise a friendship for me.

Also my gut feeling is we have to be very careful about our own values being framed on others lives, it might look like certain behaviour is a problem and it might even be so, but long term that person may be learning by experience and may progress along a very different path. I’m maybe not explaining that very well but what I essentially mean is we all have our own paths to follow in life but they aren’t always the paths that we begin along (like your own son who seems to be finding his way).