Dr. S. I'm 2 days away from it being 4 weeks since I last emailed you. Today was a harder day without you. I wanted to SH - I didn't. I'm so mad at/with you. Thoughts of hating you come and go. I don't have any feelings about it - the closest I have is the heaviness that I associate with sadness. I don't really feel sad. I feel a heaviness on me and and within me. I keep waiting for the last part of your leaving to be finalized. It is almost here.