I've been thinking about this post and responses a lot and paying more attention to myself and mental state. After careful consideration I do think I agree that there is some kind of psychosis going on but its not all the time and its not like full blown hallucinations. If anything its more like a distinct lack of mental, emotional experience or awareness when there normally would be. Like it happens in certain situations, or for certain triggers. I think it would be more accurate to say its like a dissociation and maybe there is some other kind of psychosis that goes with it as well.

But now I am afraid to begin any form of treatment that may involve the use of medications. I may be losing my insurance next month because I was able to make a bit of money using Instacart and that could disqualify me from Medicaid, and its not clear if any new insurance I could get would cover continued treatment. I don't want to start taking drugs and then not be able to stay on the regimen because I can't pay for it anymore. That could make things a lot worse. My family is going through a lot of tragic hardship right now and I feel like its going to trigger someone (either myself or someone else) to have a catastrophic mental breakdown.