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If she doesn’t want to go to counseling there’s not much you can do. This is very unfortunate, and sad that she did not speak up. Doubly frustrating and sad that there’s kids involved. Seems she’s not taking anyone except herself into consideration.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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